Affair Proof Your Marriage

Introduction:

The family is under attack! In 1930 84% of all households consisted of a married couples, in 2010 only 49% of all households consisted of married couples. The media gives a constant view that affairs are normal; there are even websites that give easy access to people seeking an affair. Television used to be the problem, today it is all variety of electronic media: DVD, internet, even “smart” cell telephone and avenues to access media portraying affairs. Many teenagers and adults of all ages live in a virtual “fantasy” world where they believe that no real harm occurs by looking or chatting.

However the scriptures record a different story:

Exodus 20: 32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.

Proverbs 6:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Matthew 5:27-28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

What is Adultery?

There is Sexual, Emotional and Spiritual Adultery.

Sexual adultery: The world view of sexual adultery consists of having an intimate sexual relationship (of any type) with someone other than your spouse. This view has evolved from this being abnormal behavior to being today normal. But God expands this to not only being an actual act with another to include having a desire (lust) to have a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse.

Before sexual adultery occurs one will look with desire and then fantasy arises in the heart. That desire will lead to flirtations, flirtations if received will lead to meetings, meetings lead to the act. God says to stop it before the lust even has a chance to take hold in your heart.

Emotional adultery: A marriage consists of much more that the sexual relationship. It is founded on an emotional relationship first. If you’re emotional relationship is strong and right than a wonderful sexual relationship follows; naturally. If you are emotionally connected with your spouse your desire will be to meet the emotional and physical needs of your spouse.
Emotional adultery occurs when you connect emotionally with someone other than your spouse.
Spiritual adultery: If you are saved you are a part of the “Bride” of Christ. We are engaged to Him! We are just waiting for the marriage to happen. Christ woos us and draws us spiritually, He desires to be emotionally and spiritually connected to us and we should desire to be emotionally and spiritually connected to him.

Spiritual adultery: occurs when we flirt with other gods. Look at this in this manner. Remember way back when you became engaged to your now spouse? Now imagine that the person you are engaged to looked at every girl / guy that passed instead of you; imagine that you stumbled upon your intended at a restaurant and he / she was at another table having a great time talking to one another without you; imagine that you saw them embrace! How would you feel? What would you think? That’s just a fraction of how God feels when you connect spiritually with anyone or anything but Him! That connection could be another person; it could also be a job, money, possessions, or position.

So, what is adultery? It is giving to someone something that they should not have that belongs to your spouse.

How do affairs happen? Think in terms of Walls and Windows. Whenever you open the window of opportunity to another person, you build a wall of separation between you and your spouse.

*It usually starts with an inappropriate conversation about emotions: conversations about relationship with the spouse or child that is not going well; conversations about how someone has emotionally hurt the person. These conversations connect at the emotion level and once connection and trust is established it is far easier to move ahead. When ever a spouse connects emotionally with someone other than their spouse they are giving a private part of themselves to someone that it does not belong.

* Emotional adultery always happens before physical adultery.

* It happens to those who didn’t think it could happen to them.

* There is never justification for adultery; it does not matter what issues you have in your marriage it is never right to get into an affair.

* There is no benefit in it; in fact you have everything to lose and nothing to gain!

Affair Proof: Matthew 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

God gives the pattern for our marriage with the right relationship with Him.

1. Protect the priority of your marriage * Decide to make your marriage first!

2. Give your passion to no one but your spouse * Adultery is giving to someone something that they should not have.

3. Connect on every level with your spouse every day. * Women want the emotional connection!
- Talk; have conversations
- Hold, touch
- Do all things together: It all started with you two and it needs to remain so!

4. Take responsibility for your actions * Apologize for your wrongs and correct your behavior.
* No blame; no excuses.