Why We Wound Others With Our Words

Introduction:

Who among us has not had a remark or accusation made against you that just was not true? That was hurtful and maybe even mean? Sometimes it comes from someone who you love, maybe another Christian even. Maybe it was you that did this to another. Have you wondered why these things happen? The Scripture talks about such a situation in the book of James:

"Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge. There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?" James 4:11-12

This was written to brethren and brothers in the Lord; saved people! Saved people that had a problem with speaking evil of one another; saved people who sat in judgment on their family. Sound familiar?

This passage commands us, brethren, to stop!

We are commanded to stop “tearing one another down” by our “slanderous” speech.

• What is “slanderous” speech?

Saying something that is untrue; it may be saying something true but your reason of saying it is to tear someone down; includes fault finding and gossip; it is speech that when it is done that the hearer thinks less of the person you are speaking about.

• How is slanderous speech commonly practiced?

This was being address in the 1st century; it still happens today! There are three degrees of slanderous speech.

1st degree slander: casual talk, i.e., that blue dress just doesn’t go with her figure, we’re getting out late again, the deacons are just insensitive to . . . ; this is so common and generally not mean spirited or willful – water cooler talk, commute talk.

2nd degree slander: oft times it will take the form of a prayer request; I’m not sure you know this but . . ., so that you know how to pray for ___ this is what is going on . . ., pray for __ there are some real issues . . .. This is a veil to hide the true purpose of the conversation and that is to spread some juicy piece of gossip!

3rd degree slander: getting help for a problem relationship. Usually spoke to a strategic person under the guise for seeking wisdom whose real purpose is to frame the situation thru your lens of reality: you speak it to frame the situation, you analyze the situation, and you become the victim.

• Why do even sincere Christians get caught in the “web” of speaking against others? How could this happen to people that love God? Here are two reasons:

1. The lie that we believe “If other people would just shape up my life would be okay”. You have a conflict with your spouse, a conflict with a co-worker, a conflict with sibling: if this person would just do this or do that everything would be okay; the problem is the other person. You slant the situation with the other person to lift yourself up and tear the other one down. The problem is the other person.

Why do we do this? It is to cast blame and avoid responsibility; justifying your behavior; people may have hit home inregards to you and you have fear of rejection – oft times the best defense is an offense to mask your insecurity – you need to realize that we are all insecure; when you see a conflict coming you speak things to position yourself in the best possible light

2. We have a perverse appetite for gossip.

Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Why is “tearing others down” by our speech and judgmental attitudes one of the most serious sins mentioned in Scripture?

Reason #1 = Because it demonstrates total disregard and contempt for God’s highest command – to love one another. (Leviticus 19:18, Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.)

He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge. James 4:11b

Reason #2 = Because it reveals that we are in fact “playing God”.

There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another? James 4:12

Grey areas: my beliefs may not be as someone else’s but so long as it is not against Scripture you should not judge.

How can we break the habit of “playing God?”

• Step 1 – Develop convictions about speaking against others.

**This is not talking about beliefs, but convictions; not just trying harder but something that arises from deep in your heart! You have convictions about purity, lying, stealing: develop a conviction about not speaking against others.

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2

“But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.” Matthew 12:36-37

Note: You will have to account for "every idle word", every slanderous word.

• Step 2 – Ponder the consequences of your speech.

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” John 13:34-35

We should have words of unity, words that build up, words that we are a team, words that we are family.

When you have words of back biting, bickering, and tearing down you break the heart of God.

• Step 3 – Refuse to buy The Lie!

The lie “it is someone else’s problem or fault.

“And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?” Romans 2:3

• Step 4 – Refuse to let others Gossip to you.

When someone starts to gossip what do you do? Have the courage to say “we are not a part of the problem or the solution.” Put up the stop sign. Say “can we talk about something else?”

• Step 5 –Talk less!

“In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19

Meditation Questions

1. Why, from God’s perspective, is it so important that we speak about one another and relate in a loving manner? What’s at stake?

2. Where do you find yourself most prone to “speak against” someone or become judgmental?

3. Which of the practical steps to stop “playing God” do you need to put into practice?

4. Is there someone you need to apologize to?