Godly Character Traits

God’s View of Children

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them:" (Psalm 127: 3-5)

God’s Instructions to Parents: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord . . . " (Eph 6:1-4)

Summary: Children are a gift from God, a sacred stewardship temporarily entrusted to parents for the purpose of raising godly offspring to fulfill God’s agenda for His world.

Four Snapshots of a Godly Parent:

1. Esp. 6:4 (positive clear-cut objectives)

God's metaphor of children being likened to an arrow that the parents will craft for the purpose of releasing it towards the goal is contained in Psalms 127: 3-5. For the arrow to reach the goal it's flight must be straight and true.

Each parent must have a dream, or goal, in mind for their child. Everything that you do as a parent needs to focus on reaching that goal. _ The Principle of Focus (vs. out of fear)

_ God’s Dream vs. The American Dream For Your Child:

Rom 8:28 that the life and character of Jesus be developed in their heart. God is more concerned about who they are than what they do.

God has a goal for your child too. See Romans 8:28 where it states "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." God's purpose for your child is that your child will have a heart for God and live a holy life (this is the same goal that God has for every parent). Too many parents care for their children out of fear of what storm may affect their child. Parents ought to focus on the goal and not all the fearful things out in the world.

What are some Godly goals?

Character Traits to teach your children:

1. Determination – stick with it regardless;
2. honesty – speak and live the truth always;
3. responsibility – dependable, trustworthy, follows through;
4. thoughtfulness – unconsciously thinks or others over self;
5. confidentiality – not telling secrets and sealing their lips;
6. punctuality – other people’s time is valuable;
7. self-control – under times of stress to remain calm;
8. patient – waiting without irritability, willing to wait to drive a car, willing to wait to talk;
9. pure – reject anything that lowers the standard;
10. compassion – when you see the hurt of another your care;
11. diligent – to work hard and to tuff it out.

2. Godly parenting demands we Practice what we Teach

I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you. For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Wherefore I beseech you, be ye followers of me. 1 Corin. 4:14-16

_The Principle of Modeling:

I’m your parent, whatever you see me do – you do the same

Your children will not do what tell them, but what they see you do

Look in the Mirror and determine if you are what you want your children to be like

_ More Is Caught Than Taught

3. Godly parents build relationships that that bond.

(Picture of a mother) But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

(picture of a father) As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory. 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12

The Principle of Relationship

Eight “Keys” That Build Relationships That Bond

1. Unconditional love
2. schedule time
3. focused attention
4. eye contact
5. meaningful touching
6. ongoing communication
7. have fun together
8. pray with them

4. Godly parenting requires constant repair and ongoing maintenance.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

_ The Principle of Process

It’s a journey what works today will not work in six months.

_ 5 Magic Words - !

“I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Job Description for a Woman

What’s a Woman to Do? (Applying Eph 5:21- 33)

Introduction – Please Show Me Which Box Top?
The nun, rockwall, steinham, brown, modern woman
The Modern woman: 2 roles (job / home), 2 children, 2 much.

_ The What = “Step In” and Support
_ The How = A Woman’s Top 3 Priorities

1. Nurture – create a relational environment that promotes the spiritual, emotional and physical welfare of those around you.
2. Protection – to minimize the harmful influences and effects upon lives she is entrusted to nurture; ex: mother bear.
3. Provision – to maximize the spiritual, emotional and physical resources and relationships to do good.

Same three words as for man but not in same order nor scope: man is exterior and interior; woman is interior (home)

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” 1 Timothy 5:14

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5

The focus is in the home to nurture the relationships of the husband and home.

What does God want you to do? Imagine what you want your life to be in 20 years; what will you marriage look like?; what will your children be like? What values to you want them to be living?

A wife’s 1st priority is to support, affirm, and empower her husband to fulfill his God-given calling both within and outside the home. (Genesis 2:18) corresponding part.

Sacrifice your life to your family

_ The Role = “The Champion” – A teammate and best friend

_ The Practical Outworking

1. Make Time With God Your #1 Priority
You can’t impart what you don’t possess. The most spiritually, emotionally and physically demanding job is running a home that yields transformational love.

- God has equipped you with abilities above that of man, you can multi-task five times better.

- You must draw on supernatural resources to do what you are called to do!

2. Pray For Him Regularly – your power is indirect
Prov 21:1 “The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.
- Pray for God to give him wisdom, to be humble, to have a thirst for God, to be used for God, to be sensitive.

3. Plan For Him Daily
- Planned attention, love, communication and nurture of your marriage is essential;
- Plan special dinners, a special deed of kindness, a time alone with your husband – put the kids to bed early!
- The hardest time in a man’s life – birth of 1st child. Effects of the new child on the husband, leads to 2nd greatest time for divorce which is the maturing of the children.

4. Prepare For Him Daily
- do what you did to catch him; your dress is appropriate and not sloppy; the environment is calm and loving, the home is not a disaster.
- question: what do I need to do to mentally, emotionally and physically prepare for a relational connection and romance

5. Protect Your Time With Him
- Your husband is the #1 human relationship on this planet!
- If you allow your children to supplant your husband you will destroy your marriage!
- Get away from the kids; make him #1

I. A wife’s 2nd priority is to create an environment in the home that nurtures and develops her children to fulfill God’s will for their lives. (1 Timothy 5:14)

The word “guide” means to care for or to manage; in other words you are the COO of the home. You must set priorities, and plan, utilize your best thinking, best time management by knowing the capacities, limits and needs of each family member.

_ The Role = “The Mother” – A teacher, counselor, consoler, and refuge for her children: the goal is to give your children what they need and not what they want – and what they need is to understand who God is!

Children should not set the direction of the family!

_ The Practical Outworking

1. Model Dependency on Christ.
· Your children ultimately not do what you tell them; they will become what you are (Luke 6:40) every disciple will become as their master. When your child sees you seeking God for provision; seeing you depending on God for every need – seeing what you say “yes” to and “No” to models dependency.
· You must set a priority to develop you spiritual self to be able to model dependency on God!

2. Pray For Your Children Fervently.
· What is your biggest concern for your children? It is likely will they do right in your absence. What control do you have? Zero! Your only power comes for your fervent prayer!
· Luke 11:9 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Things that you can’t change need to be turned over to God; He can change their hearts.

3. Create Structures and Scheduled Times That Make Family Life a Priority.
· Things which is hoped for but not scheduled rarely happens! Examples: dinner time, bed time, vacations, holidays, birthdays are all great times to schedule family time! Laugh, Kidd, share, pray; values will be transferred and your hearts will be knit together!
· Forget youth sports and the ballet; these do not build family ties.

4. Teach Them How to Live
· Mothers are the greatest teacher!
· Teach them to: read, pray, cook, listen, celebrate good things, to be generous, a craft, to give a speech, resolve conflict, write a story or letter, to play an instrument, a sport, how to relax, critical thinking, to ponder life.

5. Make Time For Them – Be Available
· The best things in life are not in your schedule – you have to be available. (Mommy, I’m going to cry in 30 minutes so get mentally prepared)
· Exhausted, harried, pushed, over extended, pressured, stressed out mothers simply cannot mother well! You must create margins of time in your life for your children!
· You must be there if at all possible for the early years of a child’s life. Brain development is greatest in the first 3 years, their personalities are set by 6; who is going to mother them to maximize this development? A baby sitter?

WE have evolved motherhood into a 2 role, 2 job, 2 much – We men have allowed our wives to be placed into an impossible situation!

II. A woman’s 3rd priority is to train younger women in the art of becoming a godly wife and mother. (Titus 2:3-5)

_ The Role = “The Mentor” – A spiritual guide to provide practical insight and coaching. We are commanded by God to train the upcoming generation.

_ The Practical Outworking = Join a Women’s Mentoring Program.

III. Important Questions To Ponder

1. Should a woman work outside the home? When? Why? Why not? Only if your first and second priorities are being fulfilled.

Job Description for a Man

What’s a Man to Do?

Introduction – Would Someone Show Me the “Box Top?”

_ The What = “Step Up” in Love (Ephesians 5:21-33)
_ The How = A Man’s Top 3 Priorities

1. Provision
2. Protection
3. Nurture

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
1 Timothy 5:8

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7

(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1 Timothy 3:5

How to “Step Up” In Love to Lead Your Wife and Family

I. Husbands hold primary responsibility for the financial provision of their families. 1 Timothy 5:8

_ The Role = The Family “CFO/Bank President”
_ The Responsibility = Shelter, food, clothes, financial training
_ The Practical Outworking = 5 Objectives

1. Do Honest Work
2. Honor God First
3. Live Within Your Means
4. Prepare for the Future
5. Train Your Children

_ The Core Values = To Model and Teach

1. Work Ethic
2. Stewardship of Money and Time
3. Responsibility and Discipline
4. Enjoyment and Generosity

II. Husbands hold primary responsibility for the spiritual development and protection of their families. (1 Peter 3:7; Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

_ The Role = The Family “Priest”

_ The Responsibility = Come before God on behalf of your family and come before your family on behalf of God.

_ The Practical Outworking = 5 Objectives

1. Set the Pace Personally
2. Know the Spiritual Condition of Your Wife and Children
3. Pray For Them and With Them Regularly
4. Insure Biblical Instruction Occurs At Home and At Church
5. Make Experiencing God and Loving Each Other (not morality) Your Aim

_ The Core Values = To Model and Teach

1. Dependency Evidenced By Prayer/Fasting
2. Faith In God and His Word
3. A Service and Outreach Orientation
4. Progressive Growth In Personal Holiness

III. Husbands hold primary responsibility for the relational health and welfare of their families. (1 Timothy 5:5; Ephesians 6:4; 1 Peter 3:7)

_ The Role = The Family “GM/Coach”

_ The Responsibility = To manage the household in a manner that produces love, obedience, and respect toward God and one another.

_ The Practical Outworking = 5 Objectives

1. The Marriage Covenant Is Verbalized and Celebrated
2. Time Is Scheduled To Develop Marriage and Family Relationships
3. Structure and Boundaries Are Provided To Insure Family Relationships Take Priority Over Outside Demands
4. Communication Is Built Into the Fabric and Rhythm of the Family Schedule
5. Consequences Are Exercised Fairly, Firmly, and Lovingly Among All Family Members

_ The Core Values = To Model and Teach

1. Acceptance - Unconditionally
2. Affirmation – Specifically and Consistently
3. Accountability – Filled With Truth and Grace
4. Conflict Resolution – “Speaking the Truth In Love”