Building an Indestructible Marriage - 2: Stop, Rest and Prioritize

God’s design for marriage is a “Win-Win” situation: The husband is like a green house and the wife is like a cheerleader. Ephesians 5:33 says “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”; one of God’s keys to an indestructible marriage is stated in these two words: Sacrifice and Honor; the husband to be sacrificial to his wife and the wife to honor and respect her husband.

We know that the devil hates marriage and has two primary agendas:

1. To sow strife between the Christian and God.
2. To sow strife between the husband and wife because marriage is a picture of the relationship between the Christian and God.

Stress is a huge epidemic in America, we feel like we have to go faster and faster, we must multitask and have full agendas. We are a driven people! Stress builds day to day with the flood of information, deadlines to meet, and unrealistic expectations to be realized. Stress has a negative effect spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. Stress always has a negative effect on your marriage. Stress is one of the devil’s greatest tools to destroy our lives because he knows that all he has to do is to push us faster and faster until we eventually wear out!

To have a marriage that is truly indestructible as God intended we must learn to manage stress!

The model of success is “The journey is the destination”; the model of failure is “The destination is the journey”: in both statements it is always about where we are going! We’re saving for college, we’re saving for a new house, we’re saving for retirement; oh yeah, we’re miserable today but when we get enough money – Oh, we are going to be so happy!

There are two curses of the driven life. The first curse of the driven life is not getting what you want; you live your whole life for something you never get. The second curse of the driven life is getting what you want – and then you realize it is not like you thought it would be! You get that new house, car, position, all the accolades and you wake up one morning and realize that you are just as empty as you were before. You realize that it wasn’t worth all the sacrifices you made in attaining, especially when you had to sacrifice the most important things in your life – God and family.

The only way that you will be able to focus on the most important things in your life, God and family relationships, the way that you should is to put your faith in God that He will take care of you as you give your attention to Him and your family. It all comes down to your faith in God! Jesus asked the question in Matthew chapter 6 ‘why do you worry oh you of little faith, don’t you know that you have a father who cares for you?’

“I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” Matthew 6:25-34

The Bible also says in Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please Him . . .”

Listen, being a provider is a very good thing, all men and women who work are doing a good thing. But, there is a fine line between being diligent to provide and being driven. The difference between a driven person and a diligent person is that the diligent person does what needs to be done and stops; whereas the driven person cannot stop and just searches for that next opportunity. That is the difference, it takes faith to stop! It takes faith to stop rest and put priority on God and family: this is one of the greatest levels of faith; this is a faith that God rewards!

America, a Driven People:

In God’s plan for our life he commands us to stop one day out of seven – this day is called the Sabbath Day. A lot of people think that God is a slave driver, that He is a harsh task master and someone who is compelling us to do more and more. The truth is He is exactly the opposite! If you want to see a harsh task master take a look at yourself in a mirror! Did you know that Americans have the longest work week of any industrialized nation? We work harder and longer than any other group of people; we are a driven people. We excel and are diligent – that is a good virtue. But we are driven; we as a people do not know how to stop! God’s system you have to stop one day in seven; you had to stop one year in every seven; and you had to stop for two years in the 49th and 50th year. How would you like to have a two year vacation? God is a generous boss!

The nation Israel did not stop. Remember Psalm 23 where it says “He maketh me lie down in green pastures . . .” Did you know that the #1 cause of illness today is stress related?

God says ‘You won’t stop? I have ways to make you stop!’ Did you know that 2/3rd of all office visits to the family physician are due to stress related symptoms? God did not design your bodies to continually go; He designed it to rest one day in every seven.

It takes Faith:It takes faith to stop! It takes faith that you have a father that will provide for you while you are resting. Psalm 127:2 “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.” You have to believe that your God in heaven is able to make you more money for you in six days than a heather can in seven!So, why don’t people stop? Many people are fearful of the competition getting ahead of them. They believe that their child has to be in three different sports, take two musical instruments, and learn dance so that they will have a competitive advantage and so that their child will not “miss it”, what ever “it” is. Listen; if your child has the blessing of God on them they are not missing anything!!

You have to have faith that says “we’re going to stop and have family dinner together; we are going to shut off the cell phone, the internet and the television and believe that the universe will not go into a negative vortex! You are not going to miss out on anything because you are disconnected.

Do you understand that Jesus did not have a cell phone? He did not have a fax machine, and did not have IME? Imagine Peter in the garden sending an IM to Jesus saying “Watch out, Judas is coming!”?

They didn’t have that stuff. Some may think that they were backward but I tend to believe that were blessed! I’m thankful for technology; but, it is my servant and not my master!

You have to stop:We have to learn to stop! God is good! Men were not made for the Sabbath but the Sabbath was made for men. He made it for you to re-create. You need to stop every 7th day to recreate so that you can go another six. We have a good God who doesn’t want you to live a driven lifeYou say “We’re going to send our children to the best of schools so we are sacrificing today so that we can give this to them. It is a worthy thing to desire your children the best of schools. But listen; when you give up your relationship with your child today, there is nothing you can give them tomorrow that is worth the loss of that relationship they lost!

What we need to say is that “We’re going to have a family today and God; we want the right opportunities for our children and are trusting in You for that blessing!”

The cost of Stress:

The driven life and the stress that it brings have a tremendous cost! Stress brings physical problems and depression. Depression is epidemic in America! The cause of most depression is mental exhaustion. Stress brings about most marriage problems. A successful marriage takes energy and priority, if you are so exhausted from all the things you do you will not have sufficient energy to maintain the marriage.

If the devil can’t get in front of you to stop you he will get behind you and push! He will be constantly bringing things into your life to distract you and to cause you to lose focus on the things you should have as a priority namely each other!

Stress brings about marriage problems, sexual problems, communication problems financial problems, emotional problems – all of these are directly related to stress and exhaustion. Stress causes all these problems as well as child problems and their behavior problems.

So many of us are guilty of saying yes to often. We say yes because of fear of failure and fear of men.It takes faith to say no. Jesus said in Matthew Chapter 6 that we have a father who cares for you and desires to provide for you; would you let Him care for you? The faith we need is a faith that says that you know that you have a father and do let a orphan spirit drive you where you think that provision is entirely up to you. You are not fatherless child! You are a fathered child and your father cares for you.

Would you stop? And would you care about God and care about people and seek first the things that are important – He will provide all your needs!Do not let the devil push you; do not yield to the lures he dangles in front of you; lures of money, success, and possessions; do not justify inappropriate priorities and sacrifice your family relationships for things that are unobtainable or empty.

You may not have that tomorrow! We are living in a today; a successful future means using our “today’s” properly and getting God’s blessing on our life.

Building an Indestructible Marriage

Indestructible basically means being unbreakable. The truth is many marriages are broken or damaged and is not at all like God intended them to be. Here are some facts. In 1930 84% of the adult population was married and today that percentage has dropped to just under 50%. A broken or damaged marriage has tremendous impact on the whole society leading to increased populations in prisons and juvenile homes, school drop outs, higher drug addiction, and other crimes against society. This was not God’s plan for marriage.

We know that the devil hates marriage and has two primary agendas:

1. To sow strife between the Christian and God.
2. To sow strife between the husband and wife because marriage is a picture of the relationship between the Christian and God.

The devil will never quit trying to do these two things in our lives. We must fight him by learning from each other, and better yet we must fight him by seeking the answers from God’s word. We know that God’s word is indestructible and true; a marriage based on God’s instruction and plan will be an indestructible marriage!

In Ephesians 5 starting in verse 21 we learn that God has pre-defined roles for the husband and wife to follow:

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Most people love what the Bible says about their spouse, but not what it says about them!

* Every woman loves the part where a husband is to be sacrificial and loving; one who nourishes and cherishes her!

* Every man may know any other scripture other than Ephesians 5:22 which says “wives submit yourselves unto your husband”!

Reading these scriptures raises your defense mechanisms due to it telling you that you must submit to someone other than yourself! Let’s explore to find out the why behind these feelings.

1. The roles as stated in scripture makes us attractive to your spouse and opens each heart to the other.

Please note that the verse that says “Wives submit” is preceded by the commandment “Submitting yourselves one to another”. In other words one is not to dominate the other! We are equal to one another in marriage.

These verses are speaking about our attitude towards respect and honor; verse 24 commands wives to give respect and honor to their husbands. Why? It is because this is the key to his heart! Men are attracted to honor and respect. It is noted that God does not allow negative people into his presence, likewise wives should not be negative towards their husbands: to do so will turn his heart away just as a negative spirit will turn the face of God away. God and husbands are attracted to word of praise.

1 Peter 3 instructs wives on how to deal with a husband who is not obeying the Lord. “. . . they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation . . .” These verses say that without a word spoken, by giving respect and honor he may be changed; it is with a “meek and quiet spirit” (vs.4) that change is brought about. When a wife is loud and aggressive the heart of her husband is turned away.

The #1 need of a man is the need of honor and respect.

The #1 need of a woman is the need of security; she needs a sacrificial man.

Men and women are different whereas a man is a very visual being a woman responds and is drawn by character! Men, you become attractive to your spouse by displaying good character – a sacrificial, giving attitude and meeting her needs. A recent study was done where a large number of wives were asked the question “When is your husband most attractive to you?”; the #1 response was when he was helping with the housework! The point is that when the husband is working for her, serving her sacrificing for her, raising a sweat for her – it turns her on! Men, God wired women this way!

Our society is obsessed with the outside appearance; the cloths, the house, the car, the education, the position, the body, the hair, etc. However God created women to respond to what is in the inside and not the outside. You both fell in love because she honored and respected him, and he knocked himself out to satisfy her needs!

2. Living God’s roles in marriage releases the full potential in the spouse!

God’s design for marriage is a “Win-Win” situation:

* A man is like a greenhouse for the wife and family. He shelters, controls the environment, keeps the weeds and pests out, water, nourishes and cherishes every living thing in the greenhouse. When he does this the wife and family flourishes; everyone reached their full potential.

* A woman is the cheerleader. Cheerleaders are used in sports because they make a difference. Even when things are going badly the cheer on the players, “defense, defense, defense, Hold the line, and hold the line . . .” A cheer leader does not say “Is that he best you can do?”, “What’s the matter with you, you bunch of wimps?” “Don’t you know anything?” or “Here, take these pom-poms and I’ll clean the field!” A cheer leader must learn to say negative things in a positive way. M man will respond and reach their potential with a good cheer leader at home. Men will do anything for honor! A man will slide down a mountain of razor blades into a pool of lemon juice just to hear one person say “You’re the MAN!”

Yeah, your husband does things you don’t like but God’s role is that you have to learn to say negative things in a positive way. Men are sensitive to their ego; if a man could meet his own needs he wouldn’t get married – but he can’t! It is your differences that attract.

• A bad marriage is a standoff!
• A good marriage is one where each person fills the gaps of the other!

Summary

Wives:

ü Be your husband’s cheer leader to help him reach his full potential

ü Be positive and honoring

ü Say negative things in a positive way, and leave the results to God

Husbands:

ü Be sacrificial – provide for her security

ü Watch your words; your words can either build up or tear down her security

ü Cherish her and nurture her in everything

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

God’s key to an indestructible marriage is stated in these two words:

Sacrifice and Honor.

Spiritual Warfare 4

How to Gain Deliverance from Demonic Influence
Ephesians 6:18-20

Introduction: The “Missing Ingredient”

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:10-12

** We are in an invisible war.
“Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;” Ephesians 6:13-15

** We are to prepare ourselves for battle.
“Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:” Ephesians 6:16-17

**When we resist the enemy, he will flee from us.
“Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.” Ephesians 6:18-20

**Intercessory prayer is pivotal and essential for deliverance.
Summary of Ephesians 6:18-20 – The means by which believers are to withstand and overcome the attacks of the enemy in spiritual warfare is by consistent, intense, strategic prayer for one another in conjunction with the personal application of the armor of God.

1. Intercessory Prayer is Our Most Powerful and Strategic Weapon in Spiritual Warfare.

• Prayer has a direct impact on spiritual warfare. “And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.” Mark 9:29

• Prayer provides / assists in the deliverance of others who are undergoing spiritual attack. “And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” Luke 22:31-32

• Power falls where prayer prevails. Church history is replete with examples:
Acts 1:14, 2:42, 3:1, 4:24-35, 6:4-8, 8:14-16, 9:40-42, 10:1-4

2. What Kind of Prayer Brings God’s Deliverance and Power in the Midst of Spiritual Attack?

• Consistent Prayer Ephesians 6:18a

**** “all prayer and supplication” = all kinds of prayer
**** “praying always” = prayer on all occasions
**** “pray . . . in the Spirit” = in communion with and directed by the agency and power of the Holy Spirit

• Intense Prayer Ephesians 6:18b
**** “watching thereunto” = lit. = without sleep, vigilant
**** “with all perseverance” = enduring, not giving up

• Strategic Prayer Ephesians 6:18c-20
**** “open my mouth boldly” = that God’s messengers will be bold
**** “utterance may be given” = God’s message will be clear and have opportunity

Summary: The Missing Ingredient in most Christian’s lives and in most churches is the commitment and regular practice of intercessory prayer. Scripture indicates that consistent, intense, and strategic intercessory prayer will in fact “deliver us from the evil one". The great people of the earth today are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer; nor those who say they believe in prayer; nor yet those who can explain about prayer; but I mean those people who take time and pray.

3. The Ministry of Deliverance; what are we to do however when the enemy gets a foothold in our life or in the life of someone we know and love?

• Its Validity

**** Jesus regularly exercised this ministry: “And they were all amazed, insomuch that they questioned among themselves, saying, What thing is this? what new doctrine is this? for with authority commandeth he even the unclean spirits, and they do obey him.” And “And he preached in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and cast out devils.” Mark 1:27, 39

**** The apostles regularly exercised this ministry: Luke 10

**** The early church regularly exercised this ministry: Acts 16

**** The New Testament writers provide clear direction concerning this ministry: James 4:1-10
• Its Problems

· Extremism and fanaticism tend to negatively color this ministry.
· Confusion concerning demon possession versus oppression of believers cloud this ministry’s validity among Christians.
· Fear and ignorance have caused many to simply ignore this ministry.
· Those who engage in this ministry are often tempted by pride or become so singularly focused they fall into theological error.
· Assigning blame of all one’s problems to demonic influence versus assuming personal responsibility and using Biblical common sense call this ministry into question.

• The Cause(s) of Demonic Influence

· Yielding to sin: “Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin” John 8:34
· Spiritual rebellion: “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft” 1 Samuel 15:23
· Participating in the occult: Deuteronomy 18:10-11
· Attempting to contact the dead: Deuteronomy 18:11
· Unresolved anger and bitterness: “Be ye angry, and sin not . . . Neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27
· Association with those involved in Satanic activity: “Be ye not unequally yoked together” 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

• New Testament Evidences of Demonic Influence

· Severe sickness: “one possessed with a devil, blind, and dumb:” Matthew 12:22
· Divination (telling the future): “ . . . a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination . . . " Acts 16:16
· Unusual physical strength: “ . . . had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains . . .” Mark 5:3
· Fits of rage: “ . . . neither could any man tame him . . .” Mark 5:4
· Resistance to spiritual help: “ . . . I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.” Mark 5:7
· Other voices from within: “My name is Legion: for we are many” Mark 5:9

• The Cure for Demonic Influence

**** General Purpose

1. Victory is through the Cross of Christ: Colossians 2:14-15

2. Victory is in the name of Christ: Matthew 10:1, Acts 5:16

3. Victory is by the power of the Holy Spirit: 1 John 4:4

**** Specific Steps for Deliverance from Demonic Influence

1. Accept Christ: John 1:12

2. Confess sins: 1 John 1:9

3. Renounce works of the devil: 2 Corinthians 4:2

4. Destroy occult objects: Acts 19:17-20 (see also 2 Chronicles 14:2, 23:17)

5. Break friendship with occultists: 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

6. Rest in Christ’s deliverance: Colossians 1:13

7. Resist the devil: James 4:7

8. Meditate on and apply the Word of God: Ephesians 6:17, Matthew 4:4, 7, 10

9. Engage in corporate prayer: Ephesians 6:18, Matthew 18:19