Indestructible basically means being unbreakable. The truth is many marriages are broken or damaged and is not at all like God intended them to be. Here are some facts. In 1930 84% of the adult population was married and today that percentage has dropped to just under 50%. A broken or damaged marriage has tremendous impact on the whole society leading to increased populations in prisons and juvenile homes, school drop outs, higher drug addiction, and other crimes against society. This was not God’s plan for marriage.
We know that the devil hates marriage and has two primary agendas:
- To sow strife between the Christian and God.
- To sow strife between the husband and wife because marriage is a picture of the relationship between the Christian and God.
The devil will never quit trying to do these two things in our lives. We must fight him by learning from each other, and better yet we must fight him by seeking the answers from God’s word. We know that God’s word is indestructible and true; a marriage based on God’s instruction and plan will be an indestructible marriage!
In Ephesians 5 starting in verse 21 we learn that God has pre-defined roles for the husband and wife to follow:
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
Most people love what the Bible says about their spouse, but not what it says about them!
* Every woman loves the part where a husband is to be sacrificial and loving; one who nourishes and cherishes her!
* Every man may know any other scripture other than Ephesians 5:22 which says “wives submit yourselves unto your husband”!
Reading these scriptures raises your defense mechanisms due to it telling you that you must submit to someone other than yourself! Let’s explore to find out the why behind these feelings.
- The roles as stated in scripture makes us attractive to your spouse and opens each heart to the other.
Please note that the verse that says “Wives submit” is preceded by the commandment “Submitting yourselves one to another”. In other words one is not to dominate the other! We are equal to one another in marriage.
These verses are speaking about our attitude towards respect and honor; verse 24 commands wives to give respect and honor to their husbands. Why? It is because this is the key to his heart! Men are attracted to honor and respect. It is noted that God does not allow negative people into his presence, likewise wives should not be negative towards their husbands: to do so will turn his heart away just as a negative spirit will turn the face of God away. God and husbands are attracted to word of praise.
1 Peter 3 instructs wives on how to deal with a husband who is not obeying the Lord. “. . . they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation . . .” These verses say that without a word spoken, by giving respect and honor he may be changed; it is with a “meek and quiet spirit” (vs.4) that change is brought about. When a wife is loud and aggressive the heart of her husband is turned away.
The #1 need of a man is the need of honor and respect.
The #1 need of a woman is the need of security; she needs a sacrificial man.
Men and women are different whereas a man is a very visual being a woman responds and is drawn by character! Men, you become attractive to your spouse by displaying good character – a sacrificial, giving attitude and meeting her needs. A recent study was done where a large number of wives were asked the question “When is your husband most attractive to you?”; the #1 response was when he was helping with the housework! The point is that when the husband is working for her, serving her sacrificing for her, raising a sweat for her – it turns her on! Men, God wired women this way!
Our society is obsessed with the outside appearance; the cloths, the house, the car, the education, the position, the body, the hair, etc. However God created women to respond to what is in the inside and not the outside. You both fell in love because she honored and respected him, and he knocked himself out to satisfy her needs!
- Living God’s roles in marriage releases the full potential in the spouse!
God’s design for marriage is a “Win-Win” situation:
* A man is like a greenhouse for the wife and family. He shelters, controls the environment, keeps the weeds and pests out, water, nourishes and cherishes every living thing in the greenhouse. When he does this the wife and family flourishes; everyone reached their full potential.
* A woman is the cheerleader. Cheerleaders are used in sports because they make a difference. Even when things are going badly the cheer on the players, “defense, defense, defense, Hold the line, and hold the line . . .” A cheer leader does not say “Is that he best you can do?”, “What’s the matter with you, you bunch of wimps?” “Don’t you know anything?” or “Here, take these pom-poms and I’ll clean the field!” A cheer leader must learn to say negative things in a positive way. M man will respond and reach their potential with a good cheer leader at home. Men will do anything for honor! A man will slide down a mountain of razor blades into a pool of lemon juice just to hear one person say “You’re the MAN!”
Yeah, your husband does things you don’t like but God’s role is that you have to learn to say negative things in a positive way. Men are sensitive to their ego; if a man could meet his own needs he wouldn’t get married – but he can’t! It is your differences that attract.
- A bad marriage is a standoff!
- A good marriage is one where each person fills the gaps of the other!
Summary
Wives:
ü Be your husband’s cheer leader to help him reach his full potential
ü Be positive and honoring
ü Say negative things in a positive way, and leave the results to God
Husbands:
ü Be sacrificial – provide for her security
ü Watch your words; your words can either build up or tear down her security
ü Cherish her and nurture her in everything
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
God’s key to an indestructible marriage is stated in these two words:
Sacrifice and Honor.
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